By Alexis Wood, MA, LAMFT
In this day and age, parents and caregivers face a new challenge: teaching their children how to engage with technology and incorporate it into their lives in a balanced way. What a task! Whether we like it or not, technology is integrated into nearly every aspect of our lives, and it’s here to stay.
When discussing technology usage with families, I often hear parents say it started out to make “the grocery store easier” or “bedtime smoother.” They began using screens as rewards and to help ease transitions. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes using technology as a reward or to help with transitions can be helpful and effective (I’ve done this). However, it becomes problematic when technology is the go-to or only reward and/or source to help with transitions. I always encourage parents to use multiple types of rewards and never underestimate the power of an “I’m proud of you.” For example, if a child faces a fear, like speaking in front of the class or trying a new sport, acknowledging their bravery and effort can be incredibly rewarding. Saying, “I’m proud of you for trying something new and facing your fear,” can be more impactful than any screen time reward.
When working on technology-related goals, it’s helpful to start by narrowing in on goals and expectations and then zeroing in even further to look at the micro behaviors. I work with families to set clear goals centered around the behaviors parents want to see instead of problematic screen usage. Additionally, it’s helpful to frame things as “life skills.” I’ve found that when we ground expectations and goals with values and life skills, children are more accepting of them. For example, “Kiddo, I know you want to use your iPad. One of the life skills that you are learning right now is knowing when it’s time to take breaks and engage in other activities and when it’s time to use screens. That’s a valuable skill that you’ll carry with you throughout your life. It’s time to practice this skill right now. Let’s do it together, I’m learning too.”
Questions to Evaluate Tech/Screen Use
Here are some questions to help parents evaluate tech/screen use individually, as a family, and for each child:
- What is going well? (individually and as a family)
- What values do you hold as a family?
- What do you want to change in regard to technology?
- If you want to make changes, what do you want yourself and your kids to do differently? Get really specific here, especially for children. I firmly believe that letting kids in on the secret of what is expected of them creates transparency and builds connection.
- What would “balance” with technology look like in your home?
- What does time without technology look like? What do you want it to look like?
- What reward system do you have in place currently? In addition to any technology-related rewards, what could you add?
When answering the questions above, look for the “life skills” you want your children to learn.
Remember, it’s not just about managing screen time—it’s about teaching skills that will last a lifetime. Let’s embrace technology wisely and create a balanced, connected family life.
Resources:
Below are some resources for families related to technology use:
- Common Sense Media
- Healthy Children.org (To create a family media plan)
- Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt