Executive function (EF) is the set of skills that helps us plan, stay organized, manage emotions, and shift between tasks. For children, these skills are still developing, and when they lag behind, daily life can feel harder—for them and for the whole family.
Children who struggle with EF often have trouble following directions, moving between activities, or calming themselves when overwhelmed. These moments aren’t about “won’t”—they’re usually about “can’t.” Self‑regulation is an EF skill, and when kids don’t have steady access to it, even small stressors can feel like too much. As Dr. David Walsh describes, parents often end up acting as a child’s “surrogate prefrontal cortex,” stepping in to help them navigate moments that require more regulation and planning than the child can yet manage.
This is especially true for children with ADHD. Their EF challenges tend to be more pronounced, which means they often need more scaffolding, more guidance, and more patient support as they build these skills. This doesn’t mean they can’t learn EF—it means they need the right structures and a little extra time to get there.
The same is true for parents. Adults rely on EF to stay patient and flexible, and when the environment is busy, loud, or emotionally charged, a parent’s ability to self‑regulate gets drained too. Feeling stretched thin is a human response, not a failure.
One of the gentlest ways to support EF growth—especially for younger children—is through play. Kids naturally learn through play, which makes games a simple, low‑pressure way to practice working memory, flexible thinking, impulse control, and emotional regulation. When I am working with parents, I often suggest age‑appropriate games and encourage them to join in and do outside of session. Playing alongside their child allows parents to model skills, support turn‑taking, help regulate big feelings, and turn everyday play into a meaningful learning opportunity.
The encouraging part is that EF skills grow over time—for children. With understanding, gentle structure, and a little creativity, families can move toward a calmer, more connected way of living together. And when you’re talking to kids about it, keep it simple. Instead of saying, “Let’s play to build your executive functioning skills,” just say, “Hey, want to play a game?” That’s all they need.