Therapeutic change with kids isn’t always straightforward. Sometimes they’re all in—ready to talk, try new things, and engage in the process. Other times… not so much. They might shut down, act out, or flat-out refuse to participate. And that’s okay. Resistance is part of the process. It doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working—it just means we need to shift how we approach it.
Because of this, at Traverse, we always start with parents. When we begin by setting the tone and helping kids see that their parents are seeking support—not labeling them as “the problem”—we create a foundation for change. It’s not about fixing the child; it’s about strengthening the whole system. I don’t see the kiddo as the problem—or the parents. I see interaction patterns that have created a set of behaviors, and those behaviors are telling us something. I then have the honor of working with parents to reset their leadership and empower them to lead their child in new ways.
Behavior is always communication. So, the question becomes: What is this child telling us through their behavior? And just as importantly: How can the adults shift their messages so that kids hear what’s truly intended—while parents retain their leadership?
At TCC, we’re all about empowering parents to lead. And leadership, in this context, means showing up with safety, nurture, and challenge. These three pillars help kids feel secure, supported, and stretched in just the right ways.
When a child isn’t ready or willing to change, we can still make progress by working with the people who know them best. Parents have an incredible amount of influence. They shape the emotional climate at home, set the tone for routines, and model how to handle stress and big feelings. When we support parents, we’re supporting the whole system the child lives in.
This is where the Stages of Change come in. Kids might be in the early stages—precontemplation or contemplation—not even aware that something needs to shift. But parents might already be in action, ready to learn and try new strategies. That mismatch is common, and it’s okay. We meet parents where they are and help them create small shift and fine tune how they lead.
Parent sessions aren’t just about giving advice. They’re about collaboration. We explore what’s working, what’s not, and what small shifts can make a big difference. Sometimes it’s about helping parents regulate their own nervous systems so they can co-regulate with their child. Sometimes it’s about reframing expectations or learning new ways to respond to behavior. And sometimes, it’s just about giving parents space to feel heard and supported.
Change doesn’t only happen in the therapy room. It happens in the car ride home, during bedtime routines, in how a parent responds to a meltdown. When parents grow, kids grow. Even if the child isn’t ready to engage directly, the system around them is shifting—and that matters.
So, if a child is resistant, don’t panic. You have more power than you realize. At TCC, we want to support you in accessing your leadership—perhaps in a new way. Together, we can build connection, capacity, and confidence in parents. Because when we support parents, we’re planting seeds for change that can take root throughout the entire family.